. I wanna call it despair? I mean it'a not that bad, but i can't really think of anything else to call it so let's just call it despair. That creeping...feeling of despair come over me again.I have been doing this for years now, get home, eat some shitty dinner, watch some shitty shows, go to sleep, wake up and jerk off, eat a shitty breakfeast, repeat. And then soon enough i would get a apartment, met a slightly above average girl, marry her, pump out two to three brats, buy a house, and then. I'm incredibly lazy, that's true, but at the same time I feel like eachday I'm willing myself to die, so I don't have to carry on with thisgender struggle.These are my best years, but in a way they are as bad as some of my worstyears. This has happened before, before I decided to go to university. Iwas under pressure to find a job and instead I grew more and moredepressed.Maybe all this is why what happened happened. Maybe the powers that becould sense that I was getting close to the edge and. More

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