What would I be? A blogger? A vlogger? A cunty snogger? An influencer? A demonstrator? A rampant copulator? Maybe even a pop idol, reality TV starlet ...r Z list celebrity propping up game shows, opening supermarkets and turning on Christmas lights in no-hope towns up and down the country? Well, I just thrummed and throbbed and quivered and pulsated at the thought of all the excitement ahead until I was a writhing, squirming, gooey mess of scrummy-dumptiousness. The one thing I knew I didn't have. I quickly bought her a glass of wine, and was about to ask more about her when there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned, and there was my ex. I had to let out my second gasp in a matter of minutes. First, there was a gorgeous French woman dressed in black, and then I come face to face with my ex looking stunning in a figure-hugging red dress. It turned out that my Father had invited my ex as a surprise. That was an understatement. Anyway, after a couple more drinks, the French girl asked if I. More

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