Well, you have to wait until you’re sure someone can accept the truth, that your grandmother isn’t 87. I stopped to do the math. Let’s see, I wa... born in 1552, died in 1573, came back to life in 2020 and now it was 2091. So I would be 539 in May. I guess you have to count the years I was a vampire, even though I wasn’t technically ‘alive’ then. The only aging that had taken place was during my two periods as a mortal. Maybe the other 447 years didn’t count. I certainly don’t have trouble lying. “Oh, yeah, sure. I had to stop myself from laughing,” she assured me in a deadpan voice. “I would have said the same thing if I were you but I probably would have squealed like a pig and oinked,” she admitted.I told her that I had thought about calling hogs and nearly said, “Here piggy, piggy, soooo-weeee.”She laughed but refused to let it go. She really was worried I’d come to hate her and it was clear the thought was consuming her from the inside.“You know I love you, Mom. I’ve just never had. More

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