I don’t know what’s wrong.” I lie trying to cover my irrational feelings. I really don’t know why I’ve reacted like this. I don’t know if...it’s about me, about the toys, the spanking or if it’s about us. Why today and why now? “Please make love to me. I need you right now.” “No, are you out of your fucking mind. I’m not touching you until I know what’s wrong. You have to talk to me.” The thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart are colliding. More sternly and much louder you say. Or not.Not a great night’s sleep, again. That made three in a row, one from eager anticipation ... and two from dark despair.Monday was another long day at work (Mondays usually are the worst day of the week because of unexpected weekend events), with a lot of urgent but trivial stuff, and I didn’t make much progress thinking about me and Mel in the odd break I did get.Helga sat down with me when she brought me my mid-morning coffee, and asked if I was okay. I pulled up a smile and admitted. More

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