I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself not...ing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even. I even made attempts to return to traditional sex, but I do not feel any more, there are no sensations. Recently, Gracie told me a story from her youth. She had a girlfriend, older and from a wealthy family. This girlfriend once arranged a party for the girls, among other things on the table lay a bare stripper on which lay food. Of course there were a lot of jokes about eating a sausage stripper, and some girls after the vodka and showed it. And then I understood. When my Gracie had a change. More

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