How fortunate (as well as stunted, she found herself thinking) to go cradle to grave content with unsated desires rather than find oneself at such a p...tch of unrealisable anticipation that life itself became a numbing, by the numbers, passage between one routine and the next. A depressing prospect and she said as much: ‘Not for me, thank you.’ Instantly angry with herself as the sound of her own voice returned her to the moment. She had spoken out loud. Her first mistake so far. This time.. Also I didn't want it to happen to me.I left that afternoon. My mother drove me to the airport, where Iboarded a plane for a flight of five hours. Before I got on the planewe all said our goodbyes. Karen was crying and apologizing for notgoing instead of me. I told her that it was best this way. Thenmother hugged me and said she loved me.As I left on the plane I reflected on my life. Many peopleconsidered me to be a violent person. But I've always thought ofmyself as more the hero than the. More

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