I think I started to resent Larry and his success. The more recognition he received, the more dissatisfied I became with Live Oaks and my involvement ...ith it.I was an artist. I wanted the artistic community to recognize for my art. Around this time, I had also gotten involved more with some of the other local artists. I met one through one of our regular nude models, Suzie. His name was Josh, and Suzie told me he also did nude modeling. He was a very athletic black man with, as Suzie told me,. However, beyond these sentiments of goodwill for the family, I had a more sinister attraction toward Amber. Despite having made my vows of celibacy toward God, I couldn’t help but think of thinking of her in a sexual manner. I hold my head in shame in telling you that on more than one occasion I partook in pleasuring myself while dreaming of holding Amber naked in my arms. It was wrong, very wrong, but the passion was stronger than I could control.It had been six months since her mother had. More

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