" But what happened next?" Connie asked."I thought it was over, but your father decided you needed 'help' andtook you to see a therapist. I... dont kn...w exactly what happened, butyou came back ... empty." I was dead. That's how I became the dead kid." Yes. I could hardly stand it. I divorced your father, and just tried tolook after what was left of you, but it felt hopeless. Nothing I didhelped. Then one day, you came home more alive than I had recalledseeing you in forever, and for the first. I knew that Jeanie was not Caryn, and Zachery was not Judy, but they looked so much like the memory I had cherished inside my head; Caryn breastfeeding little Judy and looking at me. Except that the look in Caryn’s face had been the look of love and fulfillment, once we had reconnected. The look on Jeanie’s face was something different; a mix of fear, shame and pain. If, at that moment, I had been able to get a hold of Matthew I would have beaten him to death, slowly and painfully - without any. More

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