She is very liberal ...sex pot of sorts.. always used sex as a tool. We got to her apartment, did not want to go in. She wanted to stay out...We Went...to bar near her apartment building......drank. In bar very flirty... Touched me and rubbed me... Got me hot... On way home scratched me on inner thigh... with her baby finger... That's when I knew!! Went back to drop her off. Kissed her on lips goodnight (very daring never did it before) put my hand on her rib cage. She did not flinch.. I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time in my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in front of me. I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try too hard I mean, lord knows I try. But all I have are my memories. No one. More

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