”I had never before masturbated with another person in the room. Carl used to ask if I did it but I had always lied and said no. I would die if he k...ew, but the truth was that sometimes, when the need became too great and I was very alone, I sought relief through swift fingers. Erotic scenes from the stories I read played through my mind until the tension built, and waves crashed and I came with a cry. But afterwards I felt guilty and ashamed and it would be a long time before I again. Perhaps it is nerves.I do know the darkness is there. I can see it. I can feel it. But it does not scare me. I may not be out of the woods but I have a bright torch and a spare (backup!) at the ready.I always do the backup thing. In all facets of my life. You name it and I have a backup or spare in place.I may have also forgotten to mention that along with my therapist, I did tell my sister all about my revalations. I even told her it would be easier for me to write this all down and then share. More

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