(Who the fuck even owns pinking shears?)As my departure for the Big Apple drew near, I grew more anxious. On a nervousness scale of one to seventy, I ...as locked in at a solid 69. With my Colonel mustard-colored Chevy Vega packed and already leaking oil, I turned to my family to bid adieu. My bawling mother was silent but surreptitiously handed me rosary beads and patted my head like I was a rescue beagle seeking refuge. It was a sweet, sincere gesture, although confusing since we aren't. "Lynzee looked at her mother in dismay. "What? You only had sex with one man when you were young ... only with dad?"Lisa stared back at her daughter and realized the girl was experienced and her views about sex were much different than she ever imagined. "Yeeeaaa, yes," she replied and she struggled to catch her breath. "Dave was the first and only man." Mother ... mother, Jeff and I have talked about it. Talked about BDSM and us having sex with you." Oh dear ... oh geez, please stop talking. More

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