The Freshers' Fair was amazing. I got talking to all kinds of interesting people. Like Cameron from the Extreme Sports club, who's kind of like Barry ...ith a Scots accent and actual thoughts; he wants to show me the joys of diving and paragliding and then introduced me to some hardcore canyoning, which sounds SO much fun. Or Jess from the Contemporary Arts Society who's REALLY COOL and wanted me to audition for her pan-sexual exotic dance review, only I'm not sure because she said there'd be. I wanted her tobe a Wili! Instead, you had her masquerading as a dude and paradingaround with an overstuffed dance belt. Are you trying to fuck with mygirl's mind? Are you trying to make her gay, or worse, a transvestitelike George Sand or Gertrude Stern? Why the hell did you do it?"Five-Cent pulled back, cowering from the verbal assault. Afraid ofbeing whacked, he slunk partly behind Monica for protection. Oncethere he felt safe enough to retort: "Shi-it, woman, is you totallyloco? What. More

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