On the verge of tears all day long, I wasn't very good companyand I know that Eric could sense how I felt. He was very gentle with meall day long and,...by early that evening, we were hardly speaking. Him,I think because he didn't know what to say to me, and me because Ididn't trust myself to say much for fear of breaking down and crying.How odd it seemed to me, to be feeling this way about another man.Logically I knew that it was due to the programming on the tapes andthe built in behaviors. The end always came when I could no longer contain the hardness of mylittle penis inside the tight panties and I would lay on my mother's bedto masturbate.The images that ran through my mind as I pleasured myself were alwayssimilar. Sometimes I imagined that I was an underwear model marching infront of a crowd that looked at me with admiration and desire, but most ofthe times I dreamed that I was my own mother. I imagined myself walkingaround the house half-naked like she used to, or sunbathing. More

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