Alice had won the coin flip, so she was in charge."Okay, the first time that we have sex shouldn't be too kinky, you know," she said in as seductive...a voice as she could muster."Whatever you say, my love," Tim replied."I'm in charge, though, so you'd better do what I say." She really wasn't a dominatrix type, but she was having a lot of fun trying to imitate one. "Now, lay back on the bed." Yes, Ma'am. The pleasure is all mine," he joked."Uh huh. I certainly hope that it won't ALL be. My personal tastes are not at issue. I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a. More

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