After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and s...ook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could think of,using more swear words in this speech than I had used in the sixteenyears previous. I think my idea was to get. I grabbed some ropes and daisy chains out of our old rock climbing supplies and quickly set up some short lengths at the base of our bed for my feet. I climbed onto the bed, slipped my feet and ankles through the just-large-enough loops and laid down. My feet were spread apart but not too tight or uncomfortably. I sat up, shuffled down to the base of the mattress, slipped the loops off and retied each one tighter, the loop now just reaching the top edge of the mattress at either corner near. More

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