I'd ignored the girls' beauty and breast sizes (I'll continue to prove my shallowness by stating that I'm aware that there's a considerable correlatio... between those two groupings), choosing those I thought would fit in well with my household.Then we'd allocated Julia's, Ava's and Carol's votes to generate the 25 winners we wanted. It was an easy exercise. A few of the beautiful girls weren't nice on the inside, but any girl that Julia, Ava and Carol voted for was guaranteed to be a winner.. At first I thought I was still in “trigger mode”, that place an operator goes mentally to suppress emotion, rely on reflex and training, and survive. But it wouldn’t turn off.Empathy for nearly everyone and everything had evaporated. I couldn’t identify with them at all. Only my children seemed to bring out any feelings. Compared to the dead grey space all around me, the children were spotlight of color. I don’t know if it’s love, but it’s what I have.They were my obligations.I’d had to invent. More

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