Sean took his hand away. 'What's the matter?'I wanted his hand back. 'I've got this weirdpain.''Pain?''Yes, like my tummy's getting a cramp but differ...nt.''I'll stop then.''No. Don't.''But . . .''It's gone now.'He touched me again. The feeling had gone.Eventually, he stopped.'Please,' I said.'What?''Don't stop.''I'm tired. Shall we watch telly?'I pulled his hand back between my legs. I wantedhis touch so badly. I tried to make his penis hard with my other hand but itwasn't working. Had he. In truth, I hate myself for it. We have agreed to be friends and I am trying my hardest not to break this verbal agreement but I cannot help wanting to push the boundaries either. For my own sick, self-satisfaction, I want to tell him how I still feel and to hear him say that he still loves me, too. Yet another selfish thing that shows how horrible I can actually be. But, Dear Diary, I promised you cheerful didn't I? Well, you'll be glad to know that a silver lining has shone through the clouds. More

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