I needed that permission. I craved that permission.Although I am an experienced lover, I have not abandoned myself to the depth and the darkness that ... know exists in woman. I feel it like a smouldering dormant volcano inside of me. It writhes and coils when I am involved in a seduction, then at the moment of consummation, I feel the fear that results in restraint that most women experience sometimes, or all of the time. Then I give myself to my lover in a submissive willingness that is a lie. Another record played and another three minutes off the clock. From thecorner of my eye I could see Jayne and Helen watching me, expressions amixture of surprise, encouragement and unspoken threat.Eventually my dream boy looked at me again and I went for it. I flutteredmy mascara covered lashes and gave him my prettiest smile. He saidsomething to his mate and walked towards me. I felt a weird mix ofrelief, elation and abject terror. All kinds of possibilities runningthrough my mind, and not. More

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