She was still not sure she loved him, but what she felt for him, she had decided late one night when her body needed some sort of fulfillment, some ki...d of comfort, was close enough. "Sufficient" was the word on which she settled wishing it were a stronger sentiment.Perhaps, she decided, true love was unattainable, a goal always just out of reach, like the nirvana she had read of. Having made that decision, and having refused several times to spend another night with him, and she then crossed. My crushes on women in my red journal are confusing to read. My fantasies for men were so prolific, that I was inherently suspicious of small slivers of attention towards women. I had no problem with other people being gay or bisexual, but I was strangely scared of the thought in myself. In fact, if I included all my self analysis on this subject, this would be a very long story heavily involving a personal philosophy involving Eve, the tree of knowledge, and the meaning of life. 3/28/----I. More

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