Concurrently though, she felt a self-loathing, a feeling that this wasn't right, that it wasn't "her" and a fear that this might be her future. Shame ...t her feelings of pleasure, a desire to continue, a fear of continuing, a desire to be rescued by the men in her life, resentment that they were subjecting her to this. On the ride home, the adrenaline and booze started to wear off and the feelings of pleasure were overwhelmed by the guilt and self-loathing. When Samuel rejected her, her world. All that remained behind were eddies of energy that swirled and danced; wisps of fog and light representing all of time and space. Breathtakingly beautiful, it was the face of God. At the same time it was absolutely horrifying. I was nearly catatonic from the horror of knowing that I was the instrument of destruction and the bringer of the End of Days. Judgment was upon us. Judgment was my name. Judgment was my reason to exist.It was all too much. I just couldn’t take it anymore. In. More

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