"No thanks, I'll handle it." I brushed her hand away and dashed for the toilet.Someday I'm going to have to write a book: Zen and the Art of Eliminati...n. I usually mediated when I took a dump. Hey, we’ve got to think of something when we do our business. I figured I might as well use the process of voiding to find enlightenment along with relief.The morning chill had left the toilet seat so cold my balls wanted to climb back inside my body. I squirmed and tried to find a warm spot as shivers. .. at least, I've taken a long, hard look inside and I don't believe I am.What if someone reads this? What if Nick reads this? Holy crap, Nick, are you reading this, baby? I can picture it so clearly; I left this thing lying open, or you went looking in my drawer for my keys, or any one of a million other things that could put this in your hands. Maybe I got killed at work and you're sifting through my stuff, trying to make sense of the insensible, and this is what you find! Now I feel like an. More

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