All hopes of a painless deflowering are banished from my mind as I feel something tear in a secret place within me. Pain the likes of which I have nev...r experienced before cuts me deeply. My body bucks violently and I scream into Asmodeus' chest, tears flowing freely down my face. My fingers dig into his arms and he stops moving completely. My body is tensed so tight it aches and it feels like a lifetime before the pain finally begins to reside.I lower my back gingerly onto the bed again and. Can you say the same? Unlike you I can see where this ends. The waves I ride get higher, deeper and harder to survive. Recovery (your word) is longer each time. The further I go, the harder it is to come back. And why do I, why should I turn back? Because that is what you expect of me? I know there is only one end to this ride, to this life so fraught with intensity. I embrace it. Why can’t you? You run when the darkness descends and show fear when I’m flying in the sun. You are forever waiting. More

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