My frequent feelings of sexual arousal when he was close, and his presence as my fantasy during masturbation, clearly demonstrated my failed attempts ...t self-deception. Worse than the straightforward sexual attraction I felt for him, I knew myself to be in love with him. That Jeremy had never demonstrated openly any feelings of sexual attraction towards me, was my last line of defence. When our conversation strayed in the direction of matters sexual, and especially when it referred even. Although they had been parted seven years Tom had always been totally opposed to divorce and, in mid 1940s Britain, divorce was a difficult, prolonged and somewhat impossible process if one party objected but finally he relented and the divorce came through. Their paths still crossed and they occasionally met up for lunch. She still had feelings for him but knew she could never change him and there had been too many arguments and fundamental differences for their marriage ever to be. More

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