Sitting on the bidet, washing myself out, I was crying. I felt like awhore, he'd paid the money and I was letting him have sex. When Ithought back, it...had only ever been about sex, there was no love.Before this weekend I had been in control, that was what I loved. Nowit felt as if the tables had turned and I missed the companionship andlove I shared with Kate.If I stayed in the bathroom long enough, maybe he'd be asleep. It wastoo late to go home now. Besides I was too nervous, as a single. Well I say girlfriend, she was his fuckbuddy ( I think she had a proper boyfriend), but I was too young and too niave to know what a fuckbuddy was back then. I was also attached and idealistic and didn't really appreciate that later in life these things don't always happen.I had a place in town, Pete didn't. He'd taken her to the pub in the afternoon. After a few drinks they were both in the mood but with nowhere to go. They popped round on the pretence of seeing me. The pretence didn't. More

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