One of my troopers spat a juicy trail of chewing tobacco residue in their direction. I was relieved to see it missed the mark by a wide margin, becaus... the last I wanted was a bunch of irate “peaceful” Indians creating chaos right in the midst of our only sanctuary.The Major in charge followed my advice to bolster our defenses and we spent the next few days cutting and enhancing our outer walls from direct attack. I supervised the construction of interlocked stakes angled up to gut any horse. No winning. No thank you. Much better to study the glorious ignominy of Jemini's 2003 entry, 'Cry Baby' with its spectacular 'nul points'. Remember England Expects (and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland are looking on in disapproval) so strap on a pair of comedy breasts and your sexiest writing pussy and let's show Johnny Foreigner what for. Tally ho. Yours sneeringly safe in the knowledge that you are just some silly little woman with a head full of fluff and nonsense who's more interested. More

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