Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the t...ird page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage, the nods to people he. You're OUR guest!"Then I flop back again. The drive out to the new community is a bit further than the original iteration, but I seriously want to go HOME. Dan will be there after four-thirty, by which time I will have had a quick shower and right now I'm arguing with myself about being completely naked and meeting him at the door or being dressed.The dinner was lovely. I have more family here than my mind could ever imagine, right up to BERT!Bert, yes, little shy, stares at his shoes while. More

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