Furthermore, I had my own special flogger and my own paddle that only I was allowed to use on Eva ... no one else. Only I could overrule a punishment,...and even then only if Eva directly appealed to me to do so, which I could refuse to do.Eva also had a tattoo, as did the others, as all of them were at least somewhat submissive to me, even Dean in some ways and some moments. His surrender to me mostly consisted of things like bottoming for me during most of our sex (not all of it, of course).. I was searching my mind for beautiful words, a last ditch effort in denial, a need for something…something that could remain in memory of my beloved muse. I spoke, and the room hushed. I spoke and millions beyond counting ceased their cries and their gnashing of teeth. Daunted by the deadening silence, I wavered, knowing all eyes focused on me. I could feel them like indeterminate points of light. There is nothing I can say to heal this. I am broken now, as are you. With her death, we died as. More

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