Everything I had done up to now was superficial. Icould always, if I had to, cut my hair and buy some jeans and men'sshirts. But I couldn't just was... away physical changes. Signing thatrental agreement had seemed profound, but it was nothing compared to thepermanence of changing my body, and growing actual breasts. The male memade itself known once again, and I got that momentary sense that I wasbetraying myself, becoming something "less than." Then I popped thepills in my mouth and washed. After about an hour and much phone kissing we hung up, Gill's last wordsto me were "Susanna, I am falling in love with you, bye for now". I hungup stunned: Kelly said to me "what's the matter Susie? You look likeyou've seen a ghost"; Shoni butted in "if that brother of mine has upsetyou I'll kill him" I looked at the two of them and said in an amazedvoice, "he's just told me that he loves me, how can he? I mean I'm not"Kelly butted in then "yes you are, you are a loving caring beautiful girland. More

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