I'd forgotten it was my birthday."Surprise!" said Barb from right behind me.I swear my heart stopped."Happy birthday!" said Linda.I spun around and pu...led Barb into the biggest, tightest, sweetest hug I could. "Oh God it's good to see you Barbie," I said. At some point during that hug, I realized my feelings for Barb had crystallized. I squeezed her a bit tighter. I kissed the bridge of her nose and let her go.I turned to Linda and gathered her to me as well. "You are even more beautiful than. I had saved the best for her. I reached behind me and picked up the shiny red apple I kept aside each year for the child I considered the most deserving of the pre-criminals that normally descended on me at Halloween.With great pomp and a huge smile, I lifted the apple high and dropped it in the center of her bag.I was not at all prepared for her response. With a shriek that reminded me of some of my worst times with my first wife, she tore into me, spittle flying everywhere.“You stupid. More

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