I looked at it with hatred and hit the green key.'Alex?' Her voice was high and panicky. 'Alex, is that you?''Of course it's me. What the hell's the m...tter?''Alex, we're in a taxi and a man came to my flat and... ' Her voice was rising hysterically. What the fuck? I turned on the bedside-light and tried to think.'You'd better get yourself down here and we'll sort it out, whatever it is. Tell the driver 'Hostal del Rocío', Calle Atocha.' I winced as I heard the syrup in my voice. Madrid's. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you. More

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