"She was right, now that I thought of it. Having Charlotte dye her hair for all the scenes where she was the aggressive slut character was perhaps a l...ttle too blunt."The last thing we want to do is imply that the audience is stupid. It'll be way more powerful if they suddenly 'get it' on their own." Right!" I said slowly, suddenly getting it on my own."And this part here, where you're filling in the back story in dialog? Don't do that. It's really unrealistic for Fiona to be talking like a. ( Bob fell asleep thinking about what had been said about getting pregnant. He could hear the females talking but couldn't understand them)Amber: Bob wake up! I want you bad baby! (she had Bob's cock in her hand and it was half hard.He opened his eyes and she smiled and bent and licked his half hard cock. It sprang to life becoming as hard as a rock. She stood over him and guided his cock into her pussy) The rest are upstairs taking a nap but I needed you before I can sleep. (she then started. More

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