It was all going well ... Then after 5 years, I asked – just once – when we were going to get married, and he started acting like I was putting pr...ssure on him – and he broke it off, and said he wanted to play the field ... He wasn’t ready to settle down with the only girl he’d ever slept with ... I think it would have been easier if he’d been cheating on me and playing the field, because then I could hate him ... But I don’t ... It was what he wanted to do – and he couldn’t get married and be. He was only 42. I was shocked when I saw Allan’s son at the funeral service. I haven’t seen the boy for at least 4 years. He’s 16 now and is a ringer for his dad. Is it me, or are kids maturing much more quickly these days? I must be getting old. Even policemen look far too young. Paul and I didn’t attend the wake. I couldn’t bear seeing anymore of Allan’s mousy, stupid little wife or hear her irritating Home Counties English accent. More to the point, I couldn’t accept the ghost of. More

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